When I became pregnant I wasn't even married to Stassi's daddy yet. Of course, sex involves the risk of becoming pregnant but I was somewhat naive in the thinking that I couldn't get pregnant. But that's only because I hadn't been able to get pregnant before. So here I was feeling sick and I just knew in the back of my mind I was pregnant. I was in denial, but I took a test or should I say three tests, which one by one, all came out positive. Just imagine yonatan and I standing in his bathroom...waiting for the test to come out with a result. I of course knew it would be negative (which really, I didn't) and there it was...two little pink lines, although one was very faint and I had discovered I was a mom. Instantly I was scared. What am I going to do? How am I going to tell people, let alone my parents? I was terrified.
Shortly after the panic, I began to feel happiness. I, the girl who could not get pregnant was a mom! Finally. As months passed, I heard all kinds of warning about motherhood. For women who are moms, they sure do make it seem like a curse more than a blessing. I was warned about how tired I would be. How I would never get a moment to myself. How my husbands and my relationship would suffer. How getting her to sleep through the night would be impossible. How I would be a permanent poop, throw up, and booger catcher and holder. How my child will be terrible when she turns two. And the list just went on and on and on. Now I am not saying any of these warnings were lies, because most of them are pretty spot on.
But there are so many things these women missed out on warning me. So many things I am surprised no one spoke of.
What they should have told me was this:
Your heart is going to fill up with immediate unconditional love the moment you lay eyes on your daughter. It's like a rush of wind that hits your heart and tears will just come pouring out with no control. The "love at first sight" you just didn't believe in...well now you were proved wrong because it does exist. When you see your husband hold her and feed her for the first time, you will love him more than you ever thought was possible. Hearing her cry and whine, although sometimes annoying (hey I'm not going to lie), makes you jump up to do whatever you need to do in order to make her feel better so she can stop. Getting up in the middle of the night is tiring, it really is, but it's also so rewarding fulfilling the needs that your daughter has. Changing diapers, clothes, and making bottles really isn't a chore; instead it's going to make you happy to be able to make her feel better. Giving her baths isn't boring, it's actually so neat to see how she reacts to the water and the soap, which essentially just calms her down. You will get time for yourself, but it's not the same when she isn't around. Instead you will miss her and wonder how she's doing or what she's doing (so thank God for her dad who will send as many updates as he can while you are away). You will NOT enjoy going back to work, no matter how great of a babysitter you have. You will want to be home with your baby girl all day every day, because let's face it...no one is as good as mommy. You will get time alone with daddy, but even when you do, you both miss her so much that you have to go and visit her or you'll be texting grandma the whole time asking how she is doing.
Having a baby was not the end of my world. It was the end of my previous self...an end to the person I was before. I do not even remember the girl I was before. I have no desire to live in memories of my past. Because my present and future are so much brighter. I serve a purpose. I'm a mom. And that's essential to my daughter. She needs me. And she needs me to be the best "me" I can be.
So girls...those who are mommies for the first time, forget all of the "bad" warnings you receive. And look forward to all the great things you'll experience. You're a mom now. And I promise, that is the most rewarding "thing" you'll ever be. No amount of pain during labor and no amount of crying your baby does after, will ever be able to take away the pure joy motherhood will bring you.
