A year.

You know, the past year of my life has been crazy and it has been all about change. Typically, I am very bad with change, but something needed to change. And last year, that change to me was getting a divorce. Once that process of splitting up started, I lived some of the most dark and confusing days of my life. I couldn't go to my house comfortably. I was scared and afraid almost always. I was very close to becoming an alcoholic. I drank my pain away. I was judged and ridiculed even by my own family. Some of who I would have considered my truest friends, turned their backs on me. My family kept and still do keep in contact with my ex through Facebook and text. I was unable to trust even those closest to me. And I literally had only three people I could truly trust outside of my intermediate family. 

But not all of that change was bad. I quickly realized that Yonatan was the man for me. And we got pregnant very quickly. I say it wasn't planned but he says he knew it was a possibility and you know what, he's right. Anytime you are having sex, pregnancy is always a possibility and that's exactly what happened with us. We were quickly blessed with a daughter. And from that moment I moved twice within 2 months. We got married. We moved in together, making a third time I moved. We had to quickly get our home together before our daughter finally came and joined us on July 24th. 

This past year has been a huge change for me. I went through a lot. Although self inflicted on some parts, it was the most challenging and hardest year I have ever lived. I have evolved and changed a million times over. But I have always admitted my wrongs and always will. 

Relationships aren't meant to suck the life out of you. You aren't meant to live a life that only keeps one of you happy. You aren't someone's slave. You aren't supposed to do whatever someone else tells you to do. There is a fine line between respect and control, and a lot of people don't even know it has been crossed until it's too late. Abuse isn't only physical, it's emotional. So for those who have been in a crappy relationship or a crappy marriage and people keep judging you and telling you to stay and try, just remember YOU are the only person who has to be in that relationship; not those telling you what you should be doing or how you should be feeling. Screw them! 

If I could do one thing over, I actually wouldn't change the fact that I cheated. Or the fact that I left. I wouldn't try to make it work even longer than I actually did. No, because those things taught me lessons. Valuable lessons. If I could do one thing over it would be to stand up for myself and tell everyone to screw off. My family included. None of you are better than me. None of you. Not a single one. And for all those who think they were affected by my divorce are so selfish. The only two people affected in the end were him and me. And in case you haven't noticed, I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Change isn't always easy. But it's necessary. Even the big scary life changes. Yonatan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am not ashamed of that. YONATAN IS MY HUSBAND!! I used to be scared of talking about Yonatan and I too much to people because people made me feel bad and guilty about it but I could care less. Yonatan is my husband and I am deeply in love with that amazing man. He happens to be the best husband I could have ever asked for. And the best daddy to our daughter. I can't brag on that man enough. And if people are too busy wearing their asses like hats to get to know him and realize that he is a great man and to realize that my daughter is the biggest blessing I could have ever received, well then YOU are missing out. Not me. 

I don't know what brought this blog on. Maybe a couple frustrations built up for a long time, but it needed to be said. Good day :)

Photo update.

Husband got me beautiful flowers one day after work. He's super sweet. 

Stassi got her very first pair of chucks. They're a little big right now but they look adorbs. 

Tia Jazmin & Tia Evelyn come and visit every single Thursday. We enjoy auntie nights. 

Stassi met a lot of her family a couple of Sundays back and she had a blast. Not to mention we got to see our godson and spend some time with him. 

Stassi and I visited great grandma Margie before I went back to work. 

Stassi went for her one month check up which actually landed on her 6 weeks of being alive so she got her first set of vaccinations and poor baby she cried so hard. 

Yonatan didn't get a picture of me getting a tattoo (lame haha) but we got Stassi's heartbeat from the day she was born tattood on our left wrists. 

Stassi went on her first road trip which was actually mine and Yonatan's first trip together also to California for my family reunion where she got to meet the Medina family. I didn't get a lot of pics though :(

I went back to work so mrs Erincka started watching Stassi during the week and Stassi has so much fun with her best friends ally, ruby (aka belle, batman, etc) and Stella. They are so good with her and call her baby Stassi. Yonatan and I couldn't be more grateful. 

Stassi's cousin Elijah is so so good with her. He loves when she falls asleep on his chest. 

It was my birthday on the 13th and Erincka had my sweet Stassi make this for mommy. I love it so much. 

& last but not least we decided Stassi is getting a teacup yorkie in a few years ;)

Life is good in the Saavedra household💗

Because it didn't come easy...

September is close to my heart. Not only because it is my birthday month (I'm going to be 25) but it is PCOS awareness month. As many of you know I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which is the primary reason I struggled with getting pregnant for so long. I thank God I did though. Not only was I only meant to have a child with my husband, Yonatan, I also learned so much through struggling. 

Getting pregnant was hard for me. I used to think I was pregnant and then I would look at the test I took and once again it was negative. My heart wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. My heart longed to be a mommy. That's all I ever wanted. And seeing everyone around me get pregnant so easily, I selfishly questioned God. I couldn't understand how one night stands could lead to a baby but I was unable to get pregnant. I couldn't understand how people on the news would just throw their babies in the trash or murder them, when I, a woman who would care for a baby so well, couldn't seem to get pregnant. But truthfully, I only give pcos a small amount of credit for that. I truly believe I was never meant to get pregnant with anyone besides Yonatan. God has better plans for me and I was so blind to them. But that's okay because through the difficulty I learned so much. 

Because pregnancy didn't come easy, I am able to truly appreciate the pure gift of being a mommy to my beautiful daughter. Because I struggled, I made many promises to myself and to my daughter. So Stassi because you were such a long awaited gift from God, I promise you this...

I promise to always love you...always. Even when you spill the carton of milk on the floor because you wanted to make your own breakfast or even when you write on the walls with crayon just because you wanted to. I will always be willing to play with you even when I don't feel like it. I will always get down on the floor on your level so we can have a better understanding of each other. I promise to always protect you, but to let you explore this world when you need to, even if that means letting you burn your hands or fall down because you think you know what's best even after I tell you "don't touch that it's hot" or "sit down you are going to fall." I promise not to shelter you too much because I want you to know the world and live. I promise to always let you borrow my makeup, even if you end up ruining my lipstick because you're figuring out how to apply it yourself. I promise to never make you eat foods you do not like, but I will make you try everything once. I promise to kiss you and hug you goodnight. I promise to pray for you and your safety every single day and night. I promise to let you have sleepovers with your friends. I promise to teach you and bring you up in the church and the bible because God's word will help direct your life in the right direction. I promise to discipline you, not because I am a mean mom like I am sure you might say, but because I love you. I promise to teach you manners and respect, but also use manners towards you and give you respect. I promise to say sorry when I am wrong.  I promise to not yell at you for being a child, and if I do, you can put me in time out. I promise to go shopping with you and get our nails done together. I promise to develop a mother/daughter bond that is unbreakable. I promise to always love your dad and treat him with respect and to be faithful to our family. I promise to bake with you and cook with you. I promise to let you grow up and I promise to try my best to let go when I need to. I promise to stick up for you against anybody who is wronging you. I promise to always tell you the truth and never lie to you about anything. I promise to let you tell me things and be honest with me without me flipping out on you. I believe in being truthful, but having respect in the process. I promise to trust you until you give me a reason not to. I promise to trust your decision in friends, boys, etc. But you better believe I will need to meet any of them before you go to "hang out." I promise to always and forever make you a priority in my life and in this household. You are the most precious gift in the world. And because I struggled and went through so much to finally be blessed with you, I promise to always be grateful and cherish you my sweet girl. I love you. 

That Saavedra Life

ISo let's be honest. My life has been so much better since becoming a Saavedra ;) our home is filled with happiness, joy, sarcasm, jokes, laughter, and we even play...I mean let's be honest it's fun to chase Yonatan around the house just so I can smack his butt & it's fun to be chased around the house just so he can kiss me. Life is good. So here's some updates!

Yonatan is still in school and working super hard to graduate by September/October. I am really proud of him. And can't wait to do something special for him when he is officially done with school. 

We of course have our baby girl and she seems to be growing like a weed. I swear every day she changes and gets bigger. And part of me hates slowly losing my newborn but I am also excited to see what new and exciting things she does. For the first week of her life she hated being changed and hated baths but now she smiles and loves it. She is such a silly girl with a bunch of different sounds and faces ;)

When I go back to work I won't be going back to the position I was in for 3 years...the position where I met Yonatan so I would have to say it's really bitter sweet but on the plus side instead of driving 60 miles out of town to work, I will be in town and closed to Stassi. 

I'm slowly but surely learning how to master taking care of Stassi and cleaning the house in the same day while Yonatan is gone. And I am trying to master cooking dinner. It's kind of hard with a baby when she is awake. 

Yonatan is not only Mexican but also speaks Spanish as well as his family. I think it's great that Stassi is going to be bilingual. So it's time for mommy to learn Spanish too. 

Yonatan had my car windows tinted. It seems silly for me to be excited about that but I think it's great because he cares so much about the sun getting the car all hot now that we have Stassi. He doesn't want her to sweat too bad when first being in the car. 

We have a couple trips coming up this year and we are really excited. 

I'm not really sure what else to update on. I'm kind of bad about recalling everything that's going on in our lives but I'm happy to say that we are happy. We love our weekends together and our nights together. Sure we have problems just like everyone else sometimes but we are happy & in love. And that's all that matters. Cheers to a man who knows how to keep his family protected, secure, and happy.

Stassi's Birth Story

Stassi Leighann,

I wanted to write down your birth story so we had the detailed memories for years to come. To me, you had a very interesting birth. 

Your dad and I decided that we wanted to be induced at 39 weeks. I was over being pregnant and we were so ready to see you. Dr Goodell assured us that you would be fine if we were induced at that time so we decided to move forward with it. So on Thursday, July 17th, we went for a Dr appointment so that Dr Goodell could check my cervix and when I was still only 1cm dilated she tried to insert what they call a balloon. The balloon's job is to thin out my cervix and start the dilation and the balloon falls out once the cervix is 5cm dilated. Well, when Dr Goodell tried to insert it my cervix was starting to bleed pretty badly and it was very uncomfortable and painful for me so she said forget it and told us to come in at midnight to be induced. 

So on Friday, July 18th, your dad and I, as well as your Grandma Leigh and Aunt Christan went to Centennial Hills Hospital at 12am. (Before your dad and I showed up we got some delicious in n out and are it in the Hospital parking lot) So we went to the 2nd floor and they took us right in. I had to fill out some paperwork and I changed into a gown that your dad and I bought online because, well it was cuter and pink compared to the regular hospital gown. Well once I was hooked up to the IV of fluids and put on the monitors, they inserted a little thin tape with medicine attached at the end into my cervix called cervadil. It's job is to thin out my cervix so that I could start dilating but it takes 12 hours so the waiting game began. We watched TV, slept, and I was able to drink all the sprite and eat all eat Popsicles my heart desired. Your great grandma Margie, Grandpa Rick, and cousin Elijah all came later in the day to see us and after 12 hours, they took the cervadil strip out of me, let me shower and eat and that's when your Grandma Feliciana and Aunt Jazmin came to see us, brought you gifts, and brought mommy and daddy food around lunch time! I was so hungry and it was the best Burger King burger I had ever had haha So after I ate, they started me on pitocin and I was definitely contracting but I still wasn't dilating. So after 2 hours of that, they took me off pitocin and told me it would be best for me to go home and wait it out. 

We went home baby-less and it was really hard because we were really looking forward to bringing you home. But for the next couple days all I did was walk and move around. Your dad tried to get me to do these squat things up and down on the couch. It was ridiculous (in a funny way) 

On Wednesday, July 23rd, grandma Leigh and I went and got our feet done and I got my toes painted pink for you! Dr Goodell had me go into a medical office that day to get monitored because She wanted to see what your heart rate was and if I was having contractions, so grandma Leigh took me to the appointment. Well I was monitored for about 20 minutes and I was having pretty regular contractions. And on the very last one she monitored, your heart rate went down so they sent me to Centennial hills labor and delivery for further monitoring. So grandma Leigh and I stopped and got some Wendy's on the way because you and I were starving and then we went to centennial hills. They hooked me up on the monitor for about an hour and a half and then they came in and told me that I was going to be admitted and induced again. We knew at this point, that even if the induction didn't work, we weren't leaving the hospital without baby Stassi. So I called and text your dad who was now on his way to town from work and told him we were being admitted. They checked my cervix and I was dilated at a 2 and my cervix was soft so everything looked much better than the week before. I got into the labor and delivery room (#6) at 6:30pm and your dad showed up with our hospital bags ready to welcome you to this world. They started me on pitocin and the contractions were hard. My goal was to get dilated to 4cm without an epidural and thankfully I had the help of not only your dad, grandma Leigh, aunt Christan, and cousin Elijah, but also my best friend (your babysitter) Erincka. Ericka was able to talk me through my contractions and just encouraged me to keep breathing. It was amazing help and before I knew it the guy came in to give me my epidural. Your daddy didn't like seeing the needle go in my back so many times but he was such a good support system for me and I took the epidural well. And soon before I knew it I couldn't feel any pain! Throughout the night I was dilating more and more but then you fell asleep and stopped being so active so they had to put an oxygen mask on me to wake you up. I hated the mask and I also kept throwing up because I was so hungry! It was hard for me to sleep and get good rest through the night but before I knew it, I was at 10cm. The only bad thing was the epidural had started to ware off and I was feeling pain at 10cm and I said heck no techno go get me some more of that stuff haha so the anesthesiologist came in and upped my epidural. Soon I was pain free again but definitely felt like it was time to push and it was so grandma Margie took Elijah out of the room and daddy, Grandma Leigh, and Aunt Christan stayed in the room with us and the nurse. So the nurse took the bed apart, put the leg stirrup things up, told me that with every contraction I would do 3 sets of 10 seconds of pushing - so I pushed about a total of 9, maybe 12 times until your head was in the place it had to be in order to call the dr. So dr goodell came in, and she had me push and with one push, your whole body came out!! I only had to be in that pushing position for maybe a total of 20 minutes thank goodness because they said it could take up to 2 hours!! But at 11:42 am on July 24th, when I pushed you out, they immediately placed you on my chest. And I couldn't believe it. I cried...like a baby. seeing you was the most unbelievable sight in the world. You just cried and cried with me (of course for different reasons) but then daddy cut your umbilical cord and then they took you to the side to measure you, weigh you, and check you. There was more "mess" that happened afterwards but we can talk about that later ;) after the doctor stitched me up they gave you to me and I fed you for the first time. 

The entire process is something I will never ever forget. I absolutely went through some pain but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and I am so thankful I was able to have the experience of giving birth to you. 

I love you!! 

Love, 

Mommy

I'm a wife & a mom.

A lot of women want more than a life of being a wife and a mom. That's perfectly fine for whoever feels that way. 

But I have to say...even though my baby is only a week and two days old, I have never loved anything more than being a wife and a mom. It's like this whole new world has opened up to me. 

There is nothing I love more than watching my baby girl and all of her little faces. She already has such a personality. She is so sweet, yet she is such a diva. Things go her way. I love the way she smiles and makes her little noises. I love the way she sucks her hands when she is hungry or plays with her bottle when she's done eating. I love the way she kicks her blankets off of her or sleeps with her hands over her face. She is absolutely the most beautiful creation I have ever seen. God definitely knew what He was doing. 

I absolutely love when Yonatan walks through the door at the end of the day and he hugs me and gives me a bunch of kisses. I feel his love. It's a connection that I have never had before. I feel him...his love for me and our daughter is something I couldn't have even imagined. It's that good. My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met. He's not perfect and I'm not perfect, but together we are a team, together we are complete. I never thought someone could make me feel this way & ever day is even better than the last. 

I can't even describe the amount of love I have for my husband and our daughter. Words can't express it...the words don't even exist. All I know is that I am more than happy with being a wife and mother. Sure, I am a daughter, sister, aunt, and a coworker but I am a wife and a mom first and to me that is the most rewarding "job" I could ever have or ask for. 

I say this all the time but thank you Yonatan...thank you for making me a mommy and for loving us the way that you do. You are truly an amazing man and all the girls who passed you up before me were idiots. But I'm glad they did because I got the amazing opportunity to be your wife. I love you. 

Life is good. 

Is this real life?

Hi, my name is Erin and I'm a mom. Hard to believe I am so blessed. I have thought  and dreamt about this day for so long, and it's actually here. 

On July 23rd I was admitted into the hospital. I was having pretty frequent contractions and they were semi-strong but I was still put on pitocin because I had trouble dilating. I went through 18 hours of labor and...

On July 24th at 11:42am, I saw the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. I automatically fell in love in a way that I never knew was possible. I saw myself and my husband linked together into one tiny 6 pound, 8 ounce body. She was everything I imagined and more. They layed her on my chest and for once in my life I felt complete. There I had my husband next to me and my daughter infront of me and it was the most beautiful moment I had ever experienced.

My husband and I couldn't be happier. He is so good with our baby girl and it makes me love him even more. I love our family of three, and am so thankful for these two people who have only made my life better. 

Welcome to the world Stassi Leighann.