Who I am

I don't know if any of you have struggled with being content with who you are. I know we all change in different ways from year to year. Whether it's a haircut or something dramatically changes within us...we all go through changes. 

BUT are you happy with who you are? Are you happy with how you act? How you think? How you portray yourself? 

I haven't always been. I used to seek attention and self worth from other people. I used to put all of myself into friendships and depend on them for everything. I used to rely on others for how I felt. My emotions were usually based on others. And I never liked that about myself and never quite understood why. & I still don't understand. The validation I was seeking from others lead me down paths I'm not proud of. Things I did in high school, things I've said about people, relationships I should have never been a part of, etc. 

I think it's sad. Sad that I ever felt the need to be someone else. Someone other than who I was and seek attention from people who didn't really have my best interest in mind. 

BUT whether it's part of being in a good marriage, part of being older, part of being a mom, or maybe all of those combined, I am a completely different person in a lot of ways. And I'm happy with that. 

I like being who I am and I like having opinions of my own. I don't like talking crap about people or hearing others talk crap about people. I like listening to people's problems and helping them out. I like to be there for people and keep all of their secrets without running and telling my "best" friend. I like being trustworthy. I like being able to do adult things and have adult conversations instead of just drink and hang out. I like having a job and providing for my family and myself. I like who I am. And I don't want to change myself for anyone. And I am so extremely happy that I'm at a point in my life where I don't care who says what about who or who has done what to me. I forgive people and then forget them. I don't harbor any hatred towards anyone and that's so relieving. I'm so happy with the friendships I have that don't require me to be on my phone all the time. I admire the friendships I have that understand I have a family at home and a job during the week, which leaves little time to text or call. I like my life a lot. And once again I am just happy. 

How did I get here? I don't know. Time, I guess. And I think that everyone deserves to feel the sense of peace that I do. My life isn't perfect. And there are sucky things that happen all the time. But when you're happy with yourself, it makes it so much easier to deal with things in a different way. 

Just a piece of my mind I guess ;)