& Stassi is 9 months

I'm sorry, but have you seen my child? Not only did she just turn 9 months but she looks so much older. As her doctor says "she's a big girl" and not meaning fat. She's tall for her age. Everyone thinks she's a year already & I'm like wooooah. Slow your roll. In my mind, she's still an itty bitty baby. BUT she's definitely not. She's growing like a weed. 

Stassi at 9 months:

-Pretty much has no stranger danger. I don't like this but I have to admit she's so cute. I'm hoping eventually she'll learn that not everyone is nice and she won't try to have everyone hold her lol

-Stassi waves at everyone. We walked into her 9 month checkup and she immediately made friends by waving at all the ladies at the desk. 

-Stassi weighs 19 pounds 8 ounces. And her head is no longer SUPER big, just slightly big ;)

-Stassi says hi, hey, dog, mom, momma, dad, dadda, nana (grandma), jijah (elijah), baba (bottle), tass (stassi), dodge (dodger) 

-Stassi is starting to throw tantrums and fits. She's a great girl but when she doesn't get her way sometimes she screams or cries...were working on that. 

-Stassi is FINALLY getting the hang of the sippy cup. 

-Stassi had scrambled eggs with cheese for this first time this month and LOVES them

-She says "mmmmm" every time we give her something to eat other than baby food or her bottle

-She eats bread, pasta, rice, eggs, mashed potatoes, Mac n cheese, some meats, yogurt, and constantly trying new things here and there. 

-Homegirl LOVES her food as you can tell. 

-She walks SO well when she hangs onto someone's hand or sturdy object, but hasn't gained the confidence to REALLY try on her own. 

-She crawls like a spider monkey...literally she's so fast. 

-She loves sucking and biting her feet...whatever floats her boat I guess. 

-She hates getting dressed. She'd rather be naked. 

-But she LOVES brushing her teeth. 

-She loves the shower. Daddy gives her the best showers and she just cuddles him

- We co-sleep with her for right now & she is a cuddled. She HAS to be hugging/touching one of us unless she's just too tired to care

-She dances to alllll music. She has her favorite commercials but she bops up and down and raiser her hands in the air and sings along. 

-She loves her Disney channel but will also watch sports and the boring news with daddy 

-She loves her dogs. I'm trying to teach her "nice puppy" by rubbing their head and backs nicely. But she thinks she's being nice when she pulls their ears and tails, and pokes their eyes. Not to mention she bit Dodgers head. But hey, we're working on it. 

-Shes definitely both momma's and daddy's girl. It depends on her mood of who she wants more. 

-She shakes her head YES finally. She was only saying no for awhile but finally she says yes lol 

She's growing so much literally every single day. She's doing new things all the time. She's such a smiley happy baby which brings so much joy to our lives. We just couldn't be happier. 

Slow down baby girl, you don't have to grow up all at once. Mommy and daddy love you. 

Why I chose not to breastfeed

There my husband and I were, sitting in our very first baby class. You know, the ones that teach you all about the birthing process, how to breathe, feed and swaddle your baby. And the instructor asked "Who in here is breastfeeding?" As many hands went up, mine stayed down. And then when she asked "& who is not breastfeeding?" My hand and only my hand raised into the air. 

If looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this blog right here right now. That's the first time I felt the judgement from "breastfeeding moms". The instructor then proceeded to ask me why I wasn't going to breastfeed (as if that was her business) and I told her I just chose not to. And with her attitude, she handed me paperwork on why breastfeeding is best. 

I'm not going to lie...I struggled with my choice after that. A lot of moms were asking why I wasn't going to breastfeed. A lot of moms made little snide remarks about how "breast is best" and a lot of moms asked why I wasn't going to breastfeed at least for the first six weeks (the time I would be on maternity leave). I felt like I never had a good enough answer. Thank God for my amazing hubby who supported my choice from day one. 

So why didn't I choose to breastfeed or even pump? I didn't want to. Simply enough, I just did not want to breastfeed. I agree, breastmilk is what's best for our sweet babes & God gave us the ability to breastfeed for a reason (although some women can't and God bless them for trying). But formula has been made well enough that it's not harmful to babies and babies grow up just fine. I bonded just fine with my sweet daughter without breastfeeding, and I don't regret not breastfeeding. I don't regret not pumping either. I work 10 hour days & having to pump every two hours and keeping my breastmilk cold would have been a pain. Sure, you can say I'm selfish for thinking of myself first. But it's simply my choice not to pump or physically breastfeed. 

Every time I read comments or articles about breastfeeding, women who haven't breastfed always name reasons as to why they didn't. And then the breastfeeding moms say "well if you medically couldn't, then it's fine that you didn't." And I just shake my head because what they SHOULD be saying is if you couldn't or if you didn't want to, then it's perfectly fine. As long as moms are feeding their babies, I do not understand why people feel the need to justify their choices to other moms. You didn't want to breastfeed? You go glen coco! You don't have to breastfeed in order to bond to your child or to give nutrients to your child. And if you do breastfeed or pump, you go momma! Do your thing. 

We are all moms who want what's best for our children. And your way of doing things doesn't always fit the life or the way other moms do things. What works for my family, may not work for yours. And that's okay. 

So now that I'm pregnant again, I can happily and confidently say that I am not breastfeeding because I DON'T WANT TO! And I won't feel bad for that. No amount of pressure can make me feel bad for that. My daughter now, is 8 months old and thriving and has never had even a lick of colostrum or breastmilk. Sure, she's been sick and maybe if she was breastfed she wouldn't have gotten sick yet. But that's not guaranteed either. So I'm comfortable with my decision. And all I hope for is that maybe someday one day, moms can support moms whether they breastfeed or not. 

How are you so perfect?

For the Christians of this world I ask one question: "How are you so perfect?"

Because you're not. 

Lately it has really hit my heart how high and mighty Christians seem to act. As if they are above everyone else & although they sin every day, they sit on their "righteous" thrones and judge everyone. 

Christians judge those who cheat, lie, get divorced, homosexuals, and the list goes on and on. 

But what Christians fail to remember is that ALL sin is the same in God's eyes. I know, it's easy to separate yourself from God and think that standards here on Earth are different. But they aren't. As Christians, shouldn't what God thinks, matter most? 

Lately, my heart has been hurting for those who are part of a church and have done something that seems so unforgivable to others. Nothing is too big for God to forgive so WHY to Christians act as if they have any right not to forgive others? 

All of you know I went through a divorce myself and although I knew I wasn't happy and the marriage was over in my heart, I was wrong for having an affair. I have never tried to cover my tracks or make it seem less than what it was. But others seem to think they are better than me and what I did is just unforgivable & like what I did is worse than anything they've done.

But it's not. 

I'm forgiven. I asked my God for forgiveness. And that is all that matters. He has forgiven me and has made me new. I no longer have to walk around with the sin I made in my heart or on my shoulders. 

BUT THIS IS WHAT REALLY GETS ME. 

Christians who judge and are unforgiving to those who are not saved. 

Those who are not saved are not saved. Duh right? But I mean, really think about that. We as Christians, try and live by the standards we live by because we are saved and know Jesus. If someone doesn't believe in God, how in the world to you expect them to live by the same standards as we do? 

So a lot of Christians make the mistake by "loving" non Christians in a way where they are attacking them. They say things like, "Turn from your wicked ways" or "You are going to Hell if you don't accept MY God"....

How intimidating is that?! 

I see the LGBT community get it the worst from Christians. Although in the Bible it does say that God hates the sin but loves the sinner and we are to do the same, it's not inviting to anyone when you tell them that. 

They get judged enough in the world. Isn't our job to love? Yes, I know that our job in the world is to live for God and bring others to know Christ. But we cannot do that by scaring them off because of our brutal judgement. And I believe the best way to show Christ to others is to truly LOVE everyone. Show them love, compassion and grace.

I believe that it is not my job to judge anyone because that is only God's job. That day will come someday when God and God alone comes to judge everyone. And last time I checked we are not God. 

I'm sorry to those who I have held grudges against in the past. Whether or not we remained friends, I don't judge or have hatred towards anyone. I am learning to see things in a way that God would want me to. I just want to love the world. And I believe that's what we should all want as Christians. 

I'm not perfect, but this is my heart. 

Who I am

I don't know if any of you have struggled with being content with who you are. I know we all change in different ways from year to year. Whether it's a haircut or something dramatically changes within us...we all go through changes. 

BUT are you happy with who you are? Are you happy with how you act? How you think? How you portray yourself? 

I haven't always been. I used to seek attention and self worth from other people. I used to put all of myself into friendships and depend on them for everything. I used to rely on others for how I felt. My emotions were usually based on others. And I never liked that about myself and never quite understood why. & I still don't understand. The validation I was seeking from others lead me down paths I'm not proud of. Things I did in high school, things I've said about people, relationships I should have never been a part of, etc. 

I think it's sad. Sad that I ever felt the need to be someone else. Someone other than who I was and seek attention from people who didn't really have my best interest in mind. 

BUT whether it's part of being in a good marriage, part of being older, part of being a mom, or maybe all of those combined, I am a completely different person in a lot of ways. And I'm happy with that. 

I like being who I am and I like having opinions of my own. I don't like talking crap about people or hearing others talk crap about people. I like listening to people's problems and helping them out. I like to be there for people and keep all of their secrets without running and telling my "best" friend. I like being trustworthy. I like being able to do adult things and have adult conversations instead of just drink and hang out. I like having a job and providing for my family and myself. I like who I am. And I don't want to change myself for anyone. And I am so extremely happy that I'm at a point in my life where I don't care who says what about who or who has done what to me. I forgive people and then forget them. I don't harbor any hatred towards anyone and that's so relieving. I'm so happy with the friendships I have that don't require me to be on my phone all the time. I admire the friendships I have that understand I have a family at home and a job during the week, which leaves little time to text or call. I like my life a lot. And once again I am just happy. 

How did I get here? I don't know. Time, I guess. And I think that everyone deserves to feel the sense of peace that I do. My life isn't perfect. And there are sucky things that happen all the time. But when you're happy with yourself, it makes it so much easier to deal with things in a different way. 

Just a piece of my mind I guess ;)

Little Miss Layla Grace

I am pregnant with baby girl #2, who we have decided to name Layla Grace. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant, almost 23 and feeling pretty good. 

I'm not craving anything weird but just love to eat in general. I get sick every morning but rarely get sick otherwise. I am extremely tired and worn out almost always. I have very bad round ligament pains & have bad migraines. My skin is itchy and I have pretty crazy heart palpitations. Some people say my stomach looks bigger this time around than with Stassi and some say I look smaller. But most importantly, Layla is growing just perfectly and everything is going great so far. With Stassi, I wrote her a lot of notes and I've noticed bag with everything going on, I just haven't been doing the same thing with Layla. So I figured it's never too late to start so here we go:

Layla Grace,

I am extremely excited to meet you. I can't wait to see you, hold you, and cuddle you right up next to me. I'm hoping I don't have any complications delivering you because the best feeling is being able to get you right up to my chest right away and just stare at you and cry my eyes out while examining your beauty. 

You've been moving around in my belly for quite some time now. Even before I could feel you, you have always been very active in mommy's tummy. I love feeling you kick and flip in there. It helps me know you're safe & sound. 

Daddy is so excited to meet you and hold you. He always says how blessed and lucky we are to be getting another baby girl. We knew you were a girl from day one. The same way we knew with your sister. We couldn't be more thrilled that you and Stassi will be so close in age and able to grow up as each other's best friends. I am so excited to see what your personality is like. Will you be shy? Outgoing? Talkative or quiet? Smiley or no expression? I wonder what you'll be when you grow up, who you'll marry, if you'll have kids...yes, because I'm a mommy I think about your future. 

I pray for your safety and health every single day. I can't wait to meet you my sweet sweet baby. I love you. 

Love, 

Mommy

8 months old

There is NO WAY Stassi is really 8 months old...it's so crazy how FAST time flies by. Our baby girl is such a sweetheart.

Stassi at 8 months:

-She has a mind of her own. 

-She crawls all the time, but is learning how to find her balance when trying to stand. She will lift herself up with the help of an object and let go - she has balanced for about 5 seconds so far. 

-She likes to scream. She's not doing it as a tantrum but she likes the way her voice sounds. 

-She babbles SO much. And she doesn't just babble to babble. When she babbles she is telling you something and she expects you to listen. 

-She plays SO WELL by herself and with others. 

-She listens pretty well. She definitely knows what "no means" but chooses to ignore it sometimes (with a smile on her face) 

-She is a momma's girl. She still loves daddy of course, but for the most part she wants her mommy. 

-She is eating all kinds of baby foods and some solids. She LOVES bread. 

-We are working on the sippy cup, but she is choosing to not have much interest in it right now. 

-She loves her Disney. Especially Mickey Mouse clubhouse. 

-She says a few words: dada, dad, momma, mom, dog, hey, hi, and baba (bottle)

-She is very ticklish and laughs uncontrollably when she gets tickled. 

-If you ask her "where's the fishy?" She will crawl over to our fishbowl and her and daddy feed him together. 

-She loves her dogs but tries to bite them 

-Speaking of biting, everything goes in her mouth and that's probably because this little girl NEVER stops teething and already has 8 teeth. 4 on top and 4 on bottom. Our little shark. 

-She laughs when she sees that someone else is laughing. 

-She is such a happy baby. 

-She is strong. Seriously SO STRONG and it makes it hard to control her and where she's going sometimes. 

-She holds her bottle and feeds herself by hand. We are working on the spoon ;)

-She wakes up once, maybe twice a night for a quick bottle and goes right back to sleep. 

-She got her very first haircut and mommy cried. 

-She is pretty true to size. She fits in clothes 6-9 months. 

-She pulls off her socks almost always. 

-Lately she has been sucking and chewing on her toes like crazy. 

-She waves by opening and closing her hand. 

-She shakes her head no (we're trying to work on yes lol)

-She lifts her arms up in the air and tightens up her whole body to smile. 

-Whenever she hears music she starts dancing. 

-She has SO MANY facial expressions. 

I could probably name a million more little things, but overall Stassi is such a sweet girl. And is truly advanced for her age (per her doctor) - we are so pleased with how happy and aware she is. She brings so much joy to our lives and we just can't wait to see her grow more and more every single month.