Why I chose not to breastfeed

There my husband and I were, sitting in our very first baby class. You know, the ones that teach you all about the birthing process, how to breathe, feed and swaddle your baby. And the instructor asked "Who in here is breastfeeding?" As many hands went up, mine stayed down. And then when she asked "& who is not breastfeeding?" My hand and only my hand raised into the air. 

If looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this blog right here right now. That's the first time I felt the judgement from "breastfeeding moms". The instructor then proceeded to ask me why I wasn't going to breastfeed (as if that was her business) and I told her I just chose not to. And with her attitude, she handed me paperwork on why breastfeeding is best. 

I'm not going to lie...I struggled with my choice after that. A lot of moms were asking why I wasn't going to breastfeed. A lot of moms made little snide remarks about how "breast is best" and a lot of moms asked why I wasn't going to breastfeed at least for the first six weeks (the time I would be on maternity leave). I felt like I never had a good enough answer. Thank God for my amazing hubby who supported my choice from day one. 

So why didn't I choose to breastfeed or even pump? I didn't want to. Simply enough, I just did not want to breastfeed. I agree, breastmilk is what's best for our sweet babes & God gave us the ability to breastfeed for a reason (although some women can't and God bless them for trying). But formula has been made well enough that it's not harmful to babies and babies grow up just fine. I bonded just fine with my sweet daughter without breastfeeding, and I don't regret not breastfeeding. I don't regret not pumping either. I work 10 hour days & having to pump every two hours and keeping my breastmilk cold would have been a pain. Sure, you can say I'm selfish for thinking of myself first. But it's simply my choice not to pump or physically breastfeed. 

Every time I read comments or articles about breastfeeding, women who haven't breastfed always name reasons as to why they didn't. And then the breastfeeding moms say "well if you medically couldn't, then it's fine that you didn't." And I just shake my head because what they SHOULD be saying is if you couldn't or if you didn't want to, then it's perfectly fine. As long as moms are feeding their babies, I do not understand why people feel the need to justify their choices to other moms. You didn't want to breastfeed? You go glen coco! You don't have to breastfeed in order to bond to your child or to give nutrients to your child. And if you do breastfeed or pump, you go momma! Do your thing. 

We are all moms who want what's best for our children. And your way of doing things doesn't always fit the life or the way other moms do things. What works for my family, may not work for yours. And that's okay. 

So now that I'm pregnant again, I can happily and confidently say that I am not breastfeeding because I DON'T WANT TO! And I won't feel bad for that. No amount of pressure can make me feel bad for that. My daughter now, is 8 months old and thriving and has never had even a lick of colostrum or breastmilk. Sure, she's been sick and maybe if she was breastfed she wouldn't have gotten sick yet. But that's not guaranteed either. So I'm comfortable with my decision. And all I hope for is that maybe someday one day, moms can support moms whether they breastfeed or not.