Life lessons

As I sit here and think, I realize there are a lot of lessons I have learned. Lessons I have experienced and they have made me who I am today. And I guess I sort of wanted to jot them down and share them with some of you; who knows maybe it will help someone with something they're going through...

1. Your family will always be there to back you up. Family isn't always blood, but family are those people who always stick it out with you and never leave your side. 

2. Make time to appreciate the little things. 

3. Slow down. Be silent. Sit still. 

4. Some of the best lessons to learn are the hardest to go through. 

5. Marriage doesn't equal maturity. 

6. Friends come and go. 

7. Having integrity will never let you down. 

8. It's always best to do things the right way, but it's okay to make mistakes. 

9. Don't beat yourself up over the small things; you're only human. 

10. Always make time for the children in your life. They look up to you more than you realize. 

11. Presenting yourself in a manner where others see your sincerity, honesty, and kindness will get you far. 

12. You can't win them all; meaning, not everyone will like you. 

13. Dogs really are a girl's best friend. 

14. Always make time for Skype or FaceTime dates. 

15. It's easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle, but try your best to slow down. 

16. Go to church.  

17. Try giving money or your time to a cause or charity. 

18. Do things without being asked. And don't expect any type of reward for doing so. 

19. Never feel pressured to do anything. If your heart isn't in it, you shouldn't do it. 

20. Try your best not to lie. It's so much easier keeping track of the truth.

21. Sometimes it's best to shut your mouth and open your ears. 

22. Always lend your shoulder. 

23. Fighting, both verbally and physically, is pointless. 

24. Act your age. No one wants to see a 20 year old act like their mother or their mother act like a 20 year old. 

25. Know when it's appropriate to joke around and laugh. 

26. Be sensitive to others feelings.

27. Don't ever force your opinions or beliefs on anyone, but instead, have an open mind. 

28. Always make time for your parents and siblings. 

29. It's okay to have lazy days where you don't shower, sit around and eat junk food while watching netflix, but don't make it a habbit. It feels good to get out of the house. 

30. Don't do anything you're not fully committed to. 

Just a few things on my mind :)

Divorce.

What does divorce mean to you? To me it means there was nothing else that could be done. There was nothing more that could have been worked out. It means that either one or both parties were living an unhappy and unhealthy life. It means that there were issues that went much deeper than repair. There were possibly one or both parties that were not interested in making it work, and putting the effort in. One or both parties were neglected for a period of time that soon became an unfixable place of hurt. 

But what does it mean to the world? Well let me tell you what I have personally experienced. When I tell people I am getting a divorce (yes only one and a half years after getting married) I suddenly feel and see their judgement pouring over me. I have heard "well, you just need to try harder" "God hates divorce" "you're not allowed to get divorced" and so on and so forth. Not only do I feel judgement but I have also been let down and almost abandoned by many of people in my life that I thought would always be there for me. It's sad to say the least, and I have struggled with this for quite some time. But what I really have to do is let go. 

Divorce is not easy. Whether you have been married for one year, five years, or thirty years...making that decision to actually sign a paper stating that you are no longer married is a huge decision. I never thought I would be able to make that decision, but I proved myself wrong - I really did. I'm not bragging about getting divorced. It's a very sad situation that after a short amount of time I could not find it within myself to make my marriage work no matter what it took, but I find rest and true peace in the fact that I am a better person because of my mistakes and what I have done. I am not ashamed. Sure, it stings a little every single time someone asks where this person is that has been there for so long and I have to answer "I am getting a divorce". Sure it is awkward every time I have to realize that I am that statistical 24 year old woman who has landed in the divorce percentage. 

But I also am so happy that I am who I am, and I know what is best for me in any given situation, especially right now. I know what I deserve and I know my worth. And best of all, God has forgiven me for every single thing that I have ever done to disappoint Him and anyone else. And that is ALL that matters to me. 

So no, divorce isn't easy, folks. But sometimes, whether you believe it or not, it is necessary.  

Where do I "fit"?

Growing up, I was never a misfit. In preschool, I thought I had it made (looking back, I guess I really did) - I had a best friend, Kacie and a little black boyfriend, Ivan. And life was amazing, especially when Ivan gave me my little mermaid Barbie doll for my birthday. 

Moving up to elementary school, I always had friends; I never hurt for attention and I even got my first kiss there (yeah, I guess I started young) In 5th grade, I was "dating" (dating...ha!) the most popular boy in school, Josh. And I would always think to myself how much I loved my life. 

Moving up to middle school, I had it even more made. More friends...some old, a lot new. I went to the dances, I always had a boyfriend, I always had a best friend (Remember the fights between me, you, and Alex, Viktoria? Haha) and I even got into my first fight. What was it over? A boy! And I got rpc'd for the very first time. 

Moving on up to high school, I started realizing my goal in life wasn't to be popular but to have good friends. I didn't make the best of grades and I went through a lot of CRAP in high school, but I got through it and I ALWAYS fit in a crowd somewhere. Always. 

But now that I am 24, getting a divorce, and a lot of the people in my life have disappeared, where do I fit in now? Sure, I fit in at work I guess...people like me for the most part. But it doesn't give me any type of gratifying feeling. I guess I fit in at church, but I'm only there one day a week. I fit in with my family for the most part, but a lot of them have turned their backs on me (or so it feels.) and I have almost no friends (really the only one who talks to me consistently is best friend) so I don't really have a "group" like I always have that I feel I fit in with. 

But you know what I discovered? I don't care. That's life. I'm a 24 year old business woman who may seem like her world is upside down but my world is exactly the way I want it. 

I am who I am. I don't need to fit in anywhere. I am loved by those who love me, and I am hated by those who hate me. That's that. That's how it is. Life moves on. Plus, I am the child of God. I fit in with Him anytime. Even through my sins, my trials...I'm me! 

I may not be perfect. But that's perfect to me :)