The little things.

I think relationship's biggest problem is expecting someone to do the things you would do. Maybe you are a super affectionate person, but your spouse isn't. Or maybe you leave little notes of love around the house, but they don't. And you may think to yourself (as I have) why can't I get back what I give? But I've come to the realization...if they want to do it they will and if they don't, they won't. But what if they show you love in their own way? What if their little things aren't shown in the same way yours are & you're completely missing their signs of affection and love? Crazy thought huh?

For example, I am the type of wife who will lay out my husbands clothes. Or buy cards and leave them on his bedside table. Or draw pictures and leave them for him to find. Stuff like that. But my husband usually doesn't show his love in that kind of way. It used to irritate me. WHY CAN'T HE SHOW ME LOVE?! Well he does...I was just missing it while I was expecting to see him do the same things back for me. 

My husband doesn't do laundry. But when he does, that's him telling me "Babe I got this one." My husband doesn't wash dishes and bottles but we he does that's him telling me "I know you do this all the time so let me get this round." My husband rubs my feet and back and that's him telling me "I know you're tired, let me make you feel better." My husband makes me wear my seat belt and tells me buckle up and that's him saying "I love you so much and would never want you to die if something were to happen." My husband shows me affection in the smallest ways and I used to miss it all the time and solely focus on why he couldn't just do what I do. But how silly would that be? If I wanted someone just like me, I should've dated myself. 

Just a thought.

A year.

You know, the past year of my life has been crazy and it has been all about change. Typically, I am very bad with change, but something needed to change. And last year, that change to me was getting a divorce. Once that process of splitting up started, I lived some of the most dark and confusing days of my life. I couldn't go to my house comfortably. I was scared and afraid almost always. I was very close to becoming an alcoholic. I drank my pain away. I was judged and ridiculed even by my own family. Some of who I would have considered my truest friends, turned their backs on me. My family kept and still do keep in contact with my ex through Facebook and text. I was unable to trust even those closest to me. And I literally had only three people I could truly trust outside of my intermediate family. 

But not all of that change was bad. I quickly realized that Yonatan was the man for me. And we got pregnant very quickly. I say it wasn't planned but he says he knew it was a possibility and you know what, he's right. Anytime you are having sex, pregnancy is always a possibility and that's exactly what happened with us. We were quickly blessed with a daughter. And from that moment I moved twice within 2 months. We got married. We moved in together, making a third time I moved. We had to quickly get our home together before our daughter finally came and joined us on July 24th. 

This past year has been a huge change for me. I went through a lot. Although self inflicted on some parts, it was the most challenging and hardest year I have ever lived. I have evolved and changed a million times over. But I have always admitted my wrongs and always will. 

Relationships aren't meant to suck the life out of you. You aren't meant to live a life that only keeps one of you happy. You aren't someone's slave. You aren't supposed to do whatever someone else tells you to do. There is a fine line between respect and control, and a lot of people don't even know it has been crossed until it's too late. Abuse isn't only physical, it's emotional. So for those who have been in a crappy relationship or a crappy marriage and people keep judging you and telling you to stay and try, just remember YOU are the only person who has to be in that relationship; not those telling you what you should be doing or how you should be feeling. Screw them! 

If I could do one thing over, I actually wouldn't change the fact that I cheated. Or the fact that I left. I wouldn't try to make it work even longer than I actually did. No, because those things taught me lessons. Valuable lessons. If I could do one thing over it would be to stand up for myself and tell everyone to screw off. My family included. None of you are better than me. None of you. Not a single one. And for all those who think they were affected by my divorce are so selfish. The only two people affected in the end were him and me. And in case you haven't noticed, I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Change isn't always easy. But it's necessary. Even the big scary life changes. Yonatan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am not ashamed of that. YONATAN IS MY HUSBAND!! I used to be scared of talking about Yonatan and I too much to people because people made me feel bad and guilty about it but I could care less. Yonatan is my husband and I am deeply in love with that amazing man. He happens to be the best husband I could have ever asked for. And the best daddy to our daughter. I can't brag on that man enough. And if people are too busy wearing their asses like hats to get to know him and realize that he is a great man and to realize that my daughter is the biggest blessing I could have ever received, well then YOU are missing out. Not me. 

I don't know what brought this blog on. Maybe a couple frustrations built up for a long time, but it needed to be said. Good day :)

Photo update.

Husband got me beautiful flowers one day after work. He's super sweet. 

Stassi got her very first pair of chucks. They're a little big right now but they look adorbs. 

Tia Jazmin & Tia Evelyn come and visit every single Thursday. We enjoy auntie nights. 

Stassi met a lot of her family a couple of Sundays back and she had a blast. Not to mention we got to see our godson and spend some time with him. 

Stassi and I visited great grandma Margie before I went back to work. 

Stassi went for her one month check up which actually landed on her 6 weeks of being alive so she got her first set of vaccinations and poor baby she cried so hard. 

Yonatan didn't get a picture of me getting a tattoo (lame haha) but we got Stassi's heartbeat from the day she was born tattood on our left wrists. 

Stassi went on her first road trip which was actually mine and Yonatan's first trip together also to California for my family reunion where she got to meet the Medina family. I didn't get a lot of pics though :(

I went back to work so mrs Erincka started watching Stassi during the week and Stassi has so much fun with her best friends ally, ruby (aka belle, batman, etc) and Stella. They are so good with her and call her baby Stassi. Yonatan and I couldn't be more grateful. 

Stassi's cousin Elijah is so so good with her. He loves when she falls asleep on his chest. 

It was my birthday on the 13th and Erincka had my sweet Stassi make this for mommy. I love it so much. 

& last but not least we decided Stassi is getting a teacup yorkie in a few years ;)

Life is good in the Saavedra household💗

Because it didn't come easy...

September is close to my heart. Not only because it is my birthday month (I'm going to be 25) but it is PCOS awareness month. As many of you know I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which is the primary reason I struggled with getting pregnant for so long. I thank God I did though. Not only was I only meant to have a child with my husband, Yonatan, I also learned so much through struggling. 

Getting pregnant was hard for me. I used to think I was pregnant and then I would look at the test I took and once again it was negative. My heart wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. My heart longed to be a mommy. That's all I ever wanted. And seeing everyone around me get pregnant so easily, I selfishly questioned God. I couldn't understand how one night stands could lead to a baby but I was unable to get pregnant. I couldn't understand how people on the news would just throw their babies in the trash or murder them, when I, a woman who would care for a baby so well, couldn't seem to get pregnant. But truthfully, I only give pcos a small amount of credit for that. I truly believe I was never meant to get pregnant with anyone besides Yonatan. God has better plans for me and I was so blind to them. But that's okay because through the difficulty I learned so much. 

Because pregnancy didn't come easy, I am able to truly appreciate the pure gift of being a mommy to my beautiful daughter. Because I struggled, I made many promises to myself and to my daughter. So Stassi because you were such a long awaited gift from God, I promise you this...

I promise to always love you...always. Even when you spill the carton of milk on the floor because you wanted to make your own breakfast or even when you write on the walls with crayon just because you wanted to. I will always be willing to play with you even when I don't feel like it. I will always get down on the floor on your level so we can have a better understanding of each other. I promise to always protect you, but to let you explore this world when you need to, even if that means letting you burn your hands or fall down because you think you know what's best even after I tell you "don't touch that it's hot" or "sit down you are going to fall." I promise not to shelter you too much because I want you to know the world and live. I promise to always let you borrow my makeup, even if you end up ruining my lipstick because you're figuring out how to apply it yourself. I promise to never make you eat foods you do not like, but I will make you try everything once. I promise to kiss you and hug you goodnight. I promise to pray for you and your safety every single day and night. I promise to let you have sleepovers with your friends. I promise to teach you and bring you up in the church and the bible because God's word will help direct your life in the right direction. I promise to discipline you, not because I am a mean mom like I am sure you might say, but because I love you. I promise to teach you manners and respect, but also use manners towards you and give you respect. I promise to say sorry when I am wrong.  I promise to not yell at you for being a child, and if I do, you can put me in time out. I promise to go shopping with you and get our nails done together. I promise to develop a mother/daughter bond that is unbreakable. I promise to always love your dad and treat him with respect and to be faithful to our family. I promise to bake with you and cook with you. I promise to let you grow up and I promise to try my best to let go when I need to. I promise to stick up for you against anybody who is wronging you. I promise to always tell you the truth and never lie to you about anything. I promise to let you tell me things and be honest with me without me flipping out on you. I believe in being truthful, but having respect in the process. I promise to trust you until you give me a reason not to. I promise to trust your decision in friends, boys, etc. But you better believe I will need to meet any of them before you go to "hang out." I promise to always and forever make you a priority in my life and in this household. You are the most precious gift in the world. And because I struggled and went through so much to finally be blessed with you, I promise to always be grateful and cherish you my sweet girl. I love you.