Getting pregnant was hard for me. I used to think I was pregnant and then I would look at the test I took and once again it was negative. My heart wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. My heart longed to be a mommy. That's all I ever wanted. And seeing everyone around me get pregnant so easily, I selfishly questioned God. I couldn't understand how one night stands could lead to a baby but I was unable to get pregnant. I couldn't understand how people on the news would just throw their babies in the trash or murder them, when I, a woman who would care for a baby so well, couldn't seem to get pregnant. But truthfully, I only give pcos a small amount of credit for that. I truly believe I was never meant to get pregnant with anyone besides Yonatan. God has better plans for me and I was so blind to them. But that's okay because through the difficulty I learned so much.
Because pregnancy didn't come easy, I am able to truly appreciate the pure gift of being a mommy to my beautiful daughter. Because I struggled, I made many promises to myself and to my daughter. So Stassi because you were such a long awaited gift from God, I promise you this...
I promise to always love you...always. Even when you spill the carton of milk on the floor because you wanted to make your own breakfast or even when you write on the walls with crayon just because you wanted to. I will always be willing to play with you even when I don't feel like it. I will always get down on the floor on your level so we can have a better understanding of each other. I promise to always protect you, but to let you explore this world when you need to, even if that means letting you burn your hands or fall down because you think you know what's best even after I tell you "don't touch that it's hot" or "sit down you are going to fall." I promise not to shelter you too much because I want you to know the world and live. I promise to always let you borrow my makeup, even if you end up ruining my lipstick because you're figuring out how to apply it yourself. I promise to never make you eat foods you do not like, but I will make you try everything once. I promise to kiss you and hug you goodnight. I promise to pray for you and your safety every single day and night. I promise to let you have sleepovers with your friends. I promise to teach you and bring you up in the church and the bible because God's word will help direct your life in the right direction. I promise to discipline you, not because I am a mean mom like I am sure you might say, but because I love you. I promise to teach you manners and respect, but also use manners towards you and give you respect. I promise to say sorry when I am wrong. I promise to not yell at you for being a child, and if I do, you can put me in time out. I promise to go shopping with you and get our nails done together. I promise to develop a mother/daughter bond that is unbreakable. I promise to always love your dad and treat him with respect and to be faithful to our family. I promise to bake with you and cook with you. I promise to let you grow up and I promise to try my best to let go when I need to. I promise to stick up for you against anybody who is wronging you. I promise to always tell you the truth and never lie to you about anything. I promise to let you tell me things and be honest with me without me flipping out on you. I believe in being truthful, but having respect in the process. I promise to trust you until you give me a reason not to. I promise to trust your decision in friends, boys, etc. But you better believe I will need to meet any of them before you go to "hang out." I promise to always and forever make you a priority in my life and in this household. You are the most precious gift in the world. And because I struggled and went through so much to finally be blessed with you, I promise to always be grateful and cherish you my sweet girl. I love you.
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