A year.

You know, the past year of my life has been crazy and it has been all about change. Typically, I am very bad with change, but something needed to change. And last year, that change to me was getting a divorce. Once that process of splitting up started, I lived some of the most dark and confusing days of my life. I couldn't go to my house comfortably. I was scared and afraid almost always. I was very close to becoming an alcoholic. I drank my pain away. I was judged and ridiculed even by my own family. Some of who I would have considered my truest friends, turned their backs on me. My family kept and still do keep in contact with my ex through Facebook and text. I was unable to trust even those closest to me. And I literally had only three people I could truly trust outside of my intermediate family. 

But not all of that change was bad. I quickly realized that Yonatan was the man for me. And we got pregnant very quickly. I say it wasn't planned but he says he knew it was a possibility and you know what, he's right. Anytime you are having sex, pregnancy is always a possibility and that's exactly what happened with us. We were quickly blessed with a daughter. And from that moment I moved twice within 2 months. We got married. We moved in together, making a third time I moved. We had to quickly get our home together before our daughter finally came and joined us on July 24th. 

This past year has been a huge change for me. I went through a lot. Although self inflicted on some parts, it was the most challenging and hardest year I have ever lived. I have evolved and changed a million times over. But I have always admitted my wrongs and always will. 

Relationships aren't meant to suck the life out of you. You aren't meant to live a life that only keeps one of you happy. You aren't someone's slave. You aren't supposed to do whatever someone else tells you to do. There is a fine line between respect and control, and a lot of people don't even know it has been crossed until it's too late. Abuse isn't only physical, it's emotional. So for those who have been in a crappy relationship or a crappy marriage and people keep judging you and telling you to stay and try, just remember YOU are the only person who has to be in that relationship; not those telling you what you should be doing or how you should be feeling. Screw them! 

If I could do one thing over, I actually wouldn't change the fact that I cheated. Or the fact that I left. I wouldn't try to make it work even longer than I actually did. No, because those things taught me lessons. Valuable lessons. If I could do one thing over it would be to stand up for myself and tell everyone to screw off. My family included. None of you are better than me. None of you. Not a single one. And for all those who think they were affected by my divorce are so selfish. The only two people affected in the end were him and me. And in case you haven't noticed, I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Change isn't always easy. But it's necessary. Even the big scary life changes. Yonatan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am not ashamed of that. YONATAN IS MY HUSBAND!! I used to be scared of talking about Yonatan and I too much to people because people made me feel bad and guilty about it but I could care less. Yonatan is my husband and I am deeply in love with that amazing man. He happens to be the best husband I could have ever asked for. And the best daddy to our daughter. I can't brag on that man enough. And if people are too busy wearing their asses like hats to get to know him and realize that he is a great man and to realize that my daughter is the biggest blessing I could have ever received, well then YOU are missing out. Not me. 

I don't know what brought this blog on. Maybe a couple frustrations built up for a long time, but it needed to be said. Good day :)