Stassi Leighann, you were the one who made me a mommy. The one who introduced me to a brand new world I had never known. Layla Grace, you were the one who made me open my eyes to the fact that you really can love both children the same amount. I was completely smitten with you.
I had this image in my head of what motherhood would look like. My children would be perfect. Perfect in the sense where every hair on their head was perfectly styled and in place. They would come out of the womb using manners. They would never use a bottle past 1, and there was no way that they were sleeping with me or in my room past 6 weeks. THEN I BECAME A MOMMY.
I was soon introduced to a world of such deep love and worry for my children. Let's just say, their hair is naturally messy after they wake up, they like to be naked more than dressed, sometimes Stassi uses her manners and sometimes she throws fits, she is still using a bottle, I co-slept with Stassi until after Layla was born, and they are both in their own beds in our room to this day. I have learned that what was right for my mom and mothers all around, is not what is right for my children and me all the time. I hear a lot of "You need to do this" or "You shouldn't do this" and that used to make me feel guilty. Then it made me mad. And now I take it with a grain of salt. Because I'm their mommy. And what works for us, may not work for you. And what works for you, may not work for us. and that's okay!
BUT one thing I am sure we can all agree on is our children complete us. My children have made me the best version of myself that I could be. I deeply HATE the times I feel anger or frustration towards them because they are just little babies and I am their world. They only know how to communicate through crying (well, Stassi can use words but you know what I mean). Sometimes they may be sad just because they're not close enough to you, or maybe at the end of the day they are whiny because they missed you while you were at work.
My heart was changed the day I met these two sweethearts. My prayer lately has been that I am slow to anger and slow to annoy; that I have an understanding and loving heart in all situations. My babies are my world. And I know they are their daddy's too. There is nothing better than coming home and being together as a family. All four of us.
And the big question we have been asked...are we trying for a boy? Are we going to have more? Sadly, no. Sadly because we would have all the babies in the world if we knew we could give them the best quality of life. But we have been praying and hopefully will adopt in years to come. Not anytime soon, but when the time is right, we may get our boy. Or girl. It depends on who God puts in our home.
The point of this is there is nothing better than being a mom. I truly would not change it for anything. Thank you God for giving me something so great that makes it so hard to say goodbye!
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