For years I struggled with infertility. For years I thought I may never be a biological mom. But I had no idea that God's plans were far better than mine. And I am so overwhelmed with my children.
They always tell you "don't blink...it will pass by so fast" and oh my, is that statement becoming more true every single day. Just yesterday, Stassi was born! Just yesterday Stassi was kissing Layla in my tummy. Just yesterday I was told I was having an emergency c-section. The only problem is, it wasn't just yesterday. In fact, my c-section was almost a year ago!
I know I have years until the girls are going to leave the house, but honestly, I know how fast that will pass by. And as proud as I am of how great the girls are and all of the new things they are doing, it makes me sad. I want to be able to hold my sweet girls forever. And with that, there are just things I never want to forget. I want to soak in all I can. Capture all I can in picture or video.
I never want to forget the way Stassi needs her hands, knees, or feet kissed when she falls. I never want to forget the way she speaks at this age. I never want to forget her fake cry. I never want to forget the joy that comes over her face when she hears music. I never want to forget the way she cuddles. I never want to forget the way she takes care of her sister. I never want to forget the way she asks to take a bath.
I never want to forget the way Layla smiles. I never want to forget the way Layla's tiny body crawls around the floor so fast. I never want to forget the way she stands up in the morning for us to come and pick her up. I never want to forget the way she cries for her bottles. I never want to forget the temper she already has. I never want to forget the way she says mama and dada so sweetly.
I just never want to forget my girls at this age. I never want to forget the toys they play with or the music they listen to or the TV shows they watch. Because I know they'll get to an age where they won't want their dolls and stuffed animals, but instead want to spend time in their rooms and talk on the phone. I know they'll get to an age where they'll stop listening to Wheels on the Bus and instead be listening to the newest and greatest of whatever is out there. I know they'll get to an age where they'll stop watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Sofia the First and instead want to watch all the junk that TV has to offer. And I know growing up is a part of life. I know our goal is to grow our children up well enough that they can make it on their own, but I like the commotion and the noise going on in my house right now. I like the little feet and the tiny hands. I like the mess because it's what I had prayed for, for so long. And I don't want to forget it.
Eventually they will be out of the house, on their own, whether it be by themselves, with a friend, or a husband. They'll be able to make their own grown up decisions. They'll have jobs. Maybe even go to college. They'll be gone, and Yonatan and I will be left with an empty nest. No commotion. No noise. Just the two of us. And although I am sure it will be a great new chapter in our lives, it makes me sad to think that one day our girls who depend on us, won't be with us anymore.
I've learned not to take these moments and these beautiful baby girls for granted. I enjoy them and just beam with happiness because of them. I am honored to be their mommy and I don't ever want to forget the way I feel now and the things they do now. I want to live in the moment and soak ALL of them in. And I encourage moms everywhere to do the same.
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