Being a mom is the most rewarding "job" in life. It's something that makes you feel a love that you never knew existed. It's something that makes you look outside yourself and put something before yourself. It's something that, at the end of the day, you can look back on and know you've accomplished something in life.
But it's also extremely tiring, difficult, and even lonely at times. Because I'm a working mom, I struggle with the guilt all the time. I feel like I should be home with them every day, teaching them and loving them, but right now, for our goals in life, that's just not what will work for us right now. There are times where the girls are just fussy and whiny and fighting ALL. DAY. LONG. it's hard. Sometimes being a mom is overwhelming and you just want a minute to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes you feel like you're holding the weight of the world on your shoulders because you feel like you're single handily doing everything on your own. Sometimes you want to scream, and yes, even CURSE! Because it gets really frustrating. Sometimes you want to put yourself before your children. Sometimes you feel like your husband is the one who always gets the love from them, while you have to deal with all the temper tantrums and screaming. Sometimes you would do anything to sleep straight through the night.
Being a mom isn't easy. The love comes naturally. The "momma instincts" come naturally. But it's emotionally draining sometimes.
There are so many moms out there who make it look so easy on social media. Some moms out there look SO perfect. But I have to remind myself, that perfection doesn't exist. I have to believe that EVERY mom has those days where she feels she could be doing more. Where she doesn't feel like she's doing enough, even when she knows she's trying her best.
I have little thoughts that pop in my head every day. I should read to them more. They should be eating more vegetables. They shouldn't watch so much TV. They should go to the park more. And the list goes on and on and on...it really can become torture to the mind.
What I have to remember is the good things. The things that make being a mom so worth it. The things that make the hard days seem like a piece of cake. The things like how Stassi just runs up to me and hugs me and kisses me for no reason. The way Stassi says "mommy" every time she needs me. The way Layla wants to cuddle. The way they both like being around me. The way I can make them both smile. The way they both love eating the meals I cook for them. The way they love to be in the bath. The way they both just fill my heart with pride and joy.
Yes, being a mom is hard at times. But being a mom is worth it. It's worth the moments when you feel you aren't enough. Because I know I am. I know I love them. And I know the girls know I love them. They can feel it. God has blessed me with a life I could have never imagined. But I am so thankful he blessed me with my girls.
So if you are a mommy, and you feel like you aren't enough or like you aren't doing enough, or you just want to throw yourself to the floor and cry, remember that you ARE enough. And those children look up to you and love you regardless of how you think you have failed.
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