Finding myself.

I've struggled a long time with finding myself. I've asked myself questions such as "Who are you?" "What makes you that way?" "Why do you feel this way?" And the list goes on and on. 

I used to think that feeling sad, angry, or confused was a bad thing. Sure, they aren't the best feelings in the world, but I realized they are okay feelings to have. And why? Because I'm human. I'm not going to be a happy person 24/7. 

Something I feel very strongly about is that the person you are with should NEVER want to change you. Sure, compromising is a part of any relationship because one person is not always right but you should remain true to yourself. Your relationship should never define you. You should not ONLY be (insert name here)'s happiness but you should also be your own happiness. I used to hear all the time that you cannot love someone until you love yourself and you cannot be happy with someone until you are happy with yourself and it didn't become clear to me until recently. We all have insecurities and I know this, but if you are not happy with yourself from within, how can you be truly happy with anyone else? It's okay to put yourself first and make yourself priority over others. That's actually how it's supposed to work (to a certain extent of course)

But aside from all of that, what makes you, you? And this is a question I have struggled with for quite some time. Losing myself was the strangest feeling in the world to me. Seeing things I used to love doing or seeing people I used to love seeing or feeling the way I used to love feeling...and it just all seemed so distant from me. It literally felt like I was watching what my life should have been and I had some type of "out of body" experience. 

So what am I? Who am I? What do I represent? What am I here for? What is it that I like doing? All these questions seem to be slowly coming into my life as answers instead of questions. Finding myself has been the most amazing experience I've had in my life. 

Things I love and things that describe me? Well...

GOD. Photography. Singing. Guitar. Family. Friends. Laughter. Fun. Happiness. Joy. Excitement. Adventure. Experimenting. 

I was missing at least a part of every single one of those if not all of it from my life. I had lost myself so far into something else that I literally lost touch with all of these things. 

But the best part? The best part is experiencing all of this in a new light. Seeing things through new eyes. Something that feels so surreal and so amazing. I thank God for His patience with me. I thank God for knowing me inside and out - knowing every flaw, yet still loving me unconditionally and taking His time with me. Although I have consequences, I am restored. 

Finding myself...it wasn't easy but it was something I will never forget. Another lesson learned and I wouldn't want it any other way. I guess in a way you could say that I am finally home. Home isn't always a literal since. Home is with the people who love you and support you and are there for you. Home for me is with God, my family, my best friend, and those who love me and have my best interest at heart. 

I am so thankful for this life I have been given. I am so happy in the most simple ways. Happy Tuesday everyone :)