Tuesday, October 29, 2013

I don't want to be.

I'm HUGE on quotes. I love reading them. I post them pretty much daily. And I spend a lot of time thinking about them. I don't just read them and repin them or post them; I actually ponder (yes, ponder) and try to apply them to my life the best I can. 

Lately I have been seeing quotes such as these: 

And although at first glance I think, alright...yes, that's true, I rethink it. And what does my mind come up with?

Why is it my job to make sure that my life is inspiring to others? Why is it my job to make sure my behavior says I'm a good person?

I'm not saying this out of spite or coming from a mean, hateful place, but truly why is this my job?

I don't want to be inspiring. 
I don't want to make sure my behavior proves to everyone that I am a good person. 
I don't want to...

I just want to be me.

Because if you ask me, there is no way I can make sure my life is inspiring. There are too many different types of people in this world to make sure my life is inspiring to everyone. The only one I want to inspire is myself. Maybe my nephew and niece also, but mostly, just myself. 

I also don't believe it is even feasible to have your actions and your behavior prove what a good person you are. I think I am a good person, a GREAT person if you will.  But sometimes my behavior completely contradicts that. Sometimes I just don't act like such a good person because why? ...I am human. 

And maybe I am taking these quotes that are meant to make us all feel good way too literally, but I can't help but really ponder on what exactly people are trying to convey. 

But I just want to be me. I want to be able to make mistakes without being judged. I want to be able to say things that are on my mind without wondering how someone will take it or who I am going to offend. I want to be able to run wildly and free amongst my own thoughts and mind instead of being influenced by everyone else's opinions. I want the freedom to choose what I choose without hearing all of the ways it is wrong. I want my life to be mine because that's what it is; my life. I want to be able to live care free amongst my daily routine because what is there really to worry about?! 

I don't want to be what everyone else wants me to be or think the way everyone else wants me to think or feel the way everyone else wants me to feel. 

I just want to be me. 
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 3, 2013 at 4:56 PM

    A current thread through out your posts/blogs has been "I'm only human" and "I'm not perfect"... If you ask me those are cop out excuses and way over used..

    Pope John Paul II once said.."An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded."

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    1. EstefanieOctober 15, 2014 at 2:53 PM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. EstefanieOctober 15, 2014 at 2:59 PM

      You know what has been overused? Judgmental people who use faith to bring others down. Let tell you something about faith A Scott. Faith is about love and forgiveness. God creates us imperfectly because He is the ONLY one who is perfect. He shows us to love because He created us with love. He shows us to forgive not only for ourselves but to show Him that we want to forgive as he forgives us. 
      Let me ask you something A Scott. Have you ever ran late and made some form of an excuse? Have you ever failed at something and made an excuses as too why you failed? Have you let someone down and tried to make an excuse for the let down? 
      Remember God is the ONLY one who has the power to judge, yet he doesn't. He chooses to love and forgive. So before you judge someone else for using their right of freedom of speech, you need to realize that you are making yourself seem higher than God and taking power to judge. Also a man's word is never greater than God's. 
      I hope you have a wonderful day and bless day

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    3. Erin LeighOctober 15, 2014 at 3:10 PM

      Well Scott. That would probably be because I am not perfect. And I am only human. The human side of me makes dumb decisions and fails at so much. But hey to each their own right?

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