My best friend.

I never quite understood what it was to be content with just my husband until recently. 

Of course, family & friends will always be a part of my life. But I've always had to have a best friend other than my husband. I've always had a best friend since I can remember. And I always felt like I had to have a best friend. Everyone says it's healthy to have a good girl best friend you can always go to. 

But the more I grow up, the more I realize I can't really depend on anyone all the time. It's not a bad thing. People have their own lives and their own business to handle. But you know who is always there for me? My husband. 

My husband is my best friend. What better best friend to have than someone who shares all your moments with you, roots for your success, holds you when you fail of hurt, and truly cares about your goals. Someone who shares your goals with you...? That's my husband. 

I never quite understood why my mom and dad didn't go out with their friends. Or why they never really had a "go to" friend. But I do now...their go to friend was who they shared their life and home with...it was each other. And what a beautiful thing to have. 

As I said, I don't think it's bad to have friends that you go out with or that you have lunch with or talk with...I think that's really healthy and good. But what I have realized for myself is the only best friend I can have in my life that will truly understand me, is my husband. And I think we make a great team. We put each other first, and I think that's how it should be. 

I love you my man...my husband. My Mexican. My vato. My honey buns. My handsome pantsome. My everything. You have turned my world upside down in the best possible way. You have made me see things I could have never seen on my own. You have told me things I didn't want to hear so it could better me as a person. You have put my thoughts and feelings above your own. You have supported me in all my goals. You have told me when I'm being childish or petty. You have been honest with me in the most loving and kind ways. You truly make me happy. Something I haven't been in years. You have made all this possible for my life and I love you so much for that. You are truly the kindest most genuine person I have ever met. And I love that our daughter will learn what a guy's love should be like from you. 

Marriage.

I've been married, divorced, and remarried all by the young age of 25. Some may say I am an expert. Some may say I obviously know nothing at all. And I would say I am somewhere in the middle. 

Although I have made plenty mistakes, I have learned a lot about marriage or should I say relationships in general. But I thought I would write down a couple key factors I have learned about marriage just from my own experiences. It doesn't make them rules that people should follow or even look up to, but maybe this could help someone - maybe even my own daughter one day someday. 

1. Always marry your best friend. Sure, girls have their "girl" best friends. But marry the man who adds to your life. Who is not only your lover but your best friend who has YOUR best interest in mind instead of his own. It is important to build your relationship on friendship first. 

2. If you have doubts that he is the one for you, do not get married. I remember with my first marriage, I had doubts about marrying him...these little voices in the back of my head saying it was the wrong choice for me. But I chose to ignore it, and it ended in the result of a painful drawn out, divorce. 

3. Study the way your spouse thinks, reacts, and works with things. For example, what makes them irritated? What makes them happy? These are key factors that will help your relationship. If you choose to ignore these, you can very well be doing the things that irritate your spouse and neglecting the things that make them happy. 

4. Listen. Truly listen to what your spouse wants and needs. Hear them out. What is bugging them? Do they feel neglected? Are you working too much or out with your friends too much? Is your family taking priority over your spouse? These are all things that can deeply damage a marriage if not attended to. Listen to the problems and then work on a way to fix them together. 

5. Remember to separate yourselves from your parents. You are to leave your parents, brothers, and sisters, and join in a union with your spouse. Avoid comments like "well this is how my mom did it" or "my dad never told me no" News flash. Your husband isn't your dad. And your wife isn't your mother. Do not expect them to be the same or do things the way your parents did. 

6. Stay away from the opposite sex friendships. I know people who have a problem with this. I have heard and even used the statement "but he's just a friend" "we have been homies for years" "she has been my best friend since I can remember" That's all good and well...when you are single. You may disagree, but I see relationships fail all the time due to a close relationship one spouse has with the opposite sex. Wives, your husband should be your guy best friend and husbands, your wife should be your girl best friend. Inappropriately close friendships with the opposite sex can deeply damage any relationship. 

7. Put God in the center of your marriage. In this day in age, I really have no idea how couples make it without God in the center. I think this guideline is pretty self explanatory. 

8. Arguing and fighting is a normal part of marriage. It doesn't mean your marriage is bad or damaged. Arguments happen and fights can break out. The important part is how you deal with it in the end. Are you always blaming your spouse but never taking any blame upon yourself? If so, that's a double standard and your spouse deserves an apology. It takes two to tango, just as it takes two to argue. 

9. Say sorry! Apologize to your spouse if you know you have hurt them. Even if you don't know how they could have possibly taken what you said to heart. Everyone deals with emotions differently, and let's face it, women tend to be a little more sensitive than men. I know I am. I take small things that my husband probably didn't mean to be rude, to heart and it hurts my feelings. Be aware of your spouse's feelings and apologize. 

10. Do not hold a grudge. What good does that do for your marriage? Your spouse is not perfect and either are you. Grudges are damaging. When you say you forgive each other, truly forgive each other. Do not bring up a past fight, and do not start keeping score of which spouse has done more things wrong than the other. That's childish. You are married for goodness sake. Forgive your spouse, do not hold a grudge, and just love one another. 

11. Encourage your spouse in all they do. It is important that you are both happy individually as well as together. Believe it or not, your happiness does not depend on the other's happiness. You actually can have your own happiness that is sustained by God and yourself. With that being said, encourage your spouse's happiness. Do they like fishing? Do they like camping? Do they like going places? Or working on cars? Whatever it may be, encourage them to do so. 

12. Pray for your spouse. If I could stress how important this is to everyone, I would. Prayer is so important. So powerful. My husband and I are no where near perfect and I do not think either one of us are super spiritually mature, but we sure do pray for each other. Not only does it encourage the other, it is also helping put God in the center and really just asking God to encourage each other and bless one another. Prayer should actually be number one. 

13. Be fair. Don't do something and then tell your spouse they can't. For example, have you ever gone out for a girls night and then found yourself completely uncomfortable with letting your spouse go out for a guys night? Doesn't seem quite fair does it? Which leads into....

14. Trust your spouse. If your spouse has done nothing to break or damage your trust, trust them! Do you trust their character? Do you trust their intentions? If not, work on that trust with your spouse. With that being said, husbands and wives, do not do things that would make your spouse question you. Don't put yourselves in positions that do not look right. For example, do not say to yourself "oh my wife trusts me so I can go to a strip club because she knows I won't do anything" - no! Keep away from positions that would make your spouse question you. Trust is such a vital part of marriage. 

15. Honor your spouse. And honor your marriage. Pornography, strip clubs, clubs, etc...none of that honors your marriage or your spouse. Your spouse should be enough to fill you up. Your spouse should be the only man or woman that holds your attention. When you look at those naked women on your computer screen or when you Inappropriately flirt with that man at the club, you are making a fool out of your spouse and treating them as if they are not enough for you. 

16. Continue to flirt and date your spouse. My husband and I always flirt. Whether it's a wink here or a little butt slap there, we remember to always flirt with each other. Take your spouse out to dinner or a movie. If you have a child, remember it is vital to have your own time too. Get a babysitter at least once a month and go out together. 

17. Don't wait until a storm comes to fix  the hole in your boat. In other words, don't wait until you have problems to work on your marriage. Marriage consistently needs to be worked on. Couples don't realize that they often neglect each other and then it seems as though "all of a sudden" a problem occurs. This couldn't be further from the truth. Problems don't ever suddenly occur. It's a slow fade. Remember that. Work on your marriage always. 

18. Put your spouse before your children. So many people disagree with me on this. But I have found that as a lot of children grow up, they try to play mommy and daddy against each other. To the point where the parents start fighting. When you put your spouse before your children, you are able to have the same game plan as them. You are able to be on the same level, on the same page. This is so important in your marriage. Your children are extremely important, but do not let your child take priority over your spouse. That's not the way it was meant to be. 

19. Fight for your marriage. Despite all the precautions you take, temptations you resist, and problems you try and fix, your marriage will have dry spells. It will have hard times. And you'll feel like giving up! But fight for your marriage! I promise you it's worth it. 

20. Have fun! Marriage is hard. It's not easy. But it's the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced other than being a mom. When you take the time out to have fun with your spouse, it brings in a joy that nothing else can. Laugh. Smile. Play with your spouse. 

Like I said, I am no expert. But I do know what works and doesn't work when it comes to certain things. You can take or leave my advice but I just thought I would share :) 

xoxo

Erin 

The little things.

I think relationship's biggest problem is expecting someone to do the things you would do. Maybe you are a super affectionate person, but your spouse isn't. Or maybe you leave little notes of love around the house, but they don't. And you may think to yourself (as I have) why can't I get back what I give? But I've come to the realization...if they want to do it they will and if they don't, they won't. But what if they show you love in their own way? What if their little things aren't shown in the same way yours are & you're completely missing their signs of affection and love? Crazy thought huh?

For example, I am the type of wife who will lay out my husbands clothes. Or buy cards and leave them on his bedside table. Or draw pictures and leave them for him to find. Stuff like that. But my husband usually doesn't show his love in that kind of way. It used to irritate me. WHY CAN'T HE SHOW ME LOVE?! Well he does...I was just missing it while I was expecting to see him do the same things back for me. 

My husband doesn't do laundry. But when he does, that's him telling me "Babe I got this one." My husband doesn't wash dishes and bottles but we he does that's him telling me "I know you do this all the time so let me get this round." My husband rubs my feet and back and that's him telling me "I know you're tired, let me make you feel better." My husband makes me wear my seat belt and tells me buckle up and that's him saying "I love you so much and would never want you to die if something were to happen." My husband shows me affection in the smallest ways and I used to miss it all the time and solely focus on why he couldn't just do what I do. But how silly would that be? If I wanted someone just like me, I should've dated myself. 

Just a thought.

A year.

You know, the past year of my life has been crazy and it has been all about change. Typically, I am very bad with change, but something needed to change. And last year, that change to me was getting a divorce. Once that process of splitting up started, I lived some of the most dark and confusing days of my life. I couldn't go to my house comfortably. I was scared and afraid almost always. I was very close to becoming an alcoholic. I drank my pain away. I was judged and ridiculed even by my own family. Some of who I would have considered my truest friends, turned their backs on me. My family kept and still do keep in contact with my ex through Facebook and text. I was unable to trust even those closest to me. And I literally had only three people I could truly trust outside of my intermediate family. 

But not all of that change was bad. I quickly realized that Yonatan was the man for me. And we got pregnant very quickly. I say it wasn't planned but he says he knew it was a possibility and you know what, he's right. Anytime you are having sex, pregnancy is always a possibility and that's exactly what happened with us. We were quickly blessed with a daughter. And from that moment I moved twice within 2 months. We got married. We moved in together, making a third time I moved. We had to quickly get our home together before our daughter finally came and joined us on July 24th. 

This past year has been a huge change for me. I went through a lot. Although self inflicted on some parts, it was the most challenging and hardest year I have ever lived. I have evolved and changed a million times over. But I have always admitted my wrongs and always will. 

Relationships aren't meant to suck the life out of you. You aren't meant to live a life that only keeps one of you happy. You aren't someone's slave. You aren't supposed to do whatever someone else tells you to do. There is a fine line between respect and control, and a lot of people don't even know it has been crossed until it's too late. Abuse isn't only physical, it's emotional. So for those who have been in a crappy relationship or a crappy marriage and people keep judging you and telling you to stay and try, just remember YOU are the only person who has to be in that relationship; not those telling you what you should be doing or how you should be feeling. Screw them! 

If I could do one thing over, I actually wouldn't change the fact that I cheated. Or the fact that I left. I wouldn't try to make it work even longer than I actually did. No, because those things taught me lessons. Valuable lessons. If I could do one thing over it would be to stand up for myself and tell everyone to screw off. My family included. None of you are better than me. None of you. Not a single one. And for all those who think they were affected by my divorce are so selfish. The only two people affected in the end were him and me. And in case you haven't noticed, I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Change isn't always easy. But it's necessary. Even the big scary life changes. Yonatan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am not ashamed of that. YONATAN IS MY HUSBAND!! I used to be scared of talking about Yonatan and I too much to people because people made me feel bad and guilty about it but I could care less. Yonatan is my husband and I am deeply in love with that amazing man. He happens to be the best husband I could have ever asked for. And the best daddy to our daughter. I can't brag on that man enough. And if people are too busy wearing their asses like hats to get to know him and realize that he is a great man and to realize that my daughter is the biggest blessing I could have ever received, well then YOU are missing out. Not me. 

I don't know what brought this blog on. Maybe a couple frustrations built up for a long time, but it needed to be said. Good day :)

Photo update.

Husband got me beautiful flowers one day after work. He's super sweet. 

Stassi got her very first pair of chucks. They're a little big right now but they look adorbs. 

Tia Jazmin & Tia Evelyn come and visit every single Thursday. We enjoy auntie nights. 

Stassi met a lot of her family a couple of Sundays back and she had a blast. Not to mention we got to see our godson and spend some time with him. 

Stassi and I visited great grandma Margie before I went back to work. 

Stassi went for her one month check up which actually landed on her 6 weeks of being alive so she got her first set of vaccinations and poor baby she cried so hard. 

Yonatan didn't get a picture of me getting a tattoo (lame haha) but we got Stassi's heartbeat from the day she was born tattood on our left wrists. 

Stassi went on her first road trip which was actually mine and Yonatan's first trip together also to California for my family reunion where she got to meet the Medina family. I didn't get a lot of pics though :(

I went back to work so mrs Erincka started watching Stassi during the week and Stassi has so much fun with her best friends ally, ruby (aka belle, batman, etc) and Stella. They are so good with her and call her baby Stassi. Yonatan and I couldn't be more grateful. 

Stassi's cousin Elijah is so so good with her. He loves when she falls asleep on his chest. 

It was my birthday on the 13th and Erincka had my sweet Stassi make this for mommy. I love it so much. 

& last but not least we decided Stassi is getting a teacup yorkie in a few years ;)

Life is good in the Saavedra household💗

Because it didn't come easy...

September is close to my heart. Not only because it is my birthday month (I'm going to be 25) but it is PCOS awareness month. As many of you know I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which is the primary reason I struggled with getting pregnant for so long. I thank God I did though. Not only was I only meant to have a child with my husband, Yonatan, I also learned so much through struggling. 

Getting pregnant was hard for me. I used to think I was pregnant and then I would look at the test I took and once again it was negative. My heart wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. My heart longed to be a mommy. That's all I ever wanted. And seeing everyone around me get pregnant so easily, I selfishly questioned God. I couldn't understand how one night stands could lead to a baby but I was unable to get pregnant. I couldn't understand how people on the news would just throw their babies in the trash or murder them, when I, a woman who would care for a baby so well, couldn't seem to get pregnant. But truthfully, I only give pcos a small amount of credit for that. I truly believe I was never meant to get pregnant with anyone besides Yonatan. God has better plans for me and I was so blind to them. But that's okay because through the difficulty I learned so much. 

Because pregnancy didn't come easy, I am able to truly appreciate the pure gift of being a mommy to my beautiful daughter. Because I struggled, I made many promises to myself and to my daughter. So Stassi because you were such a long awaited gift from God, I promise you this...

I promise to always love you...always. Even when you spill the carton of milk on the floor because you wanted to make your own breakfast or even when you write on the walls with crayon just because you wanted to. I will always be willing to play with you even when I don't feel like it. I will always get down on the floor on your level so we can have a better understanding of each other. I promise to always protect you, but to let you explore this world when you need to, even if that means letting you burn your hands or fall down because you think you know what's best even after I tell you "don't touch that it's hot" or "sit down you are going to fall." I promise not to shelter you too much because I want you to know the world and live. I promise to always let you borrow my makeup, even if you end up ruining my lipstick because you're figuring out how to apply it yourself. I promise to never make you eat foods you do not like, but I will make you try everything once. I promise to kiss you and hug you goodnight. I promise to pray for you and your safety every single day and night. I promise to let you have sleepovers with your friends. I promise to teach you and bring you up in the church and the bible because God's word will help direct your life in the right direction. I promise to discipline you, not because I am a mean mom like I am sure you might say, but because I love you. I promise to teach you manners and respect, but also use manners towards you and give you respect. I promise to say sorry when I am wrong.  I promise to not yell at you for being a child, and if I do, you can put me in time out. I promise to go shopping with you and get our nails done together. I promise to develop a mother/daughter bond that is unbreakable. I promise to always love your dad and treat him with respect and to be faithful to our family. I promise to bake with you and cook with you. I promise to let you grow up and I promise to try my best to let go when I need to. I promise to stick up for you against anybody who is wronging you. I promise to always tell you the truth and never lie to you about anything. I promise to let you tell me things and be honest with me without me flipping out on you. I believe in being truthful, but having respect in the process. I promise to trust you until you give me a reason not to. I promise to trust your decision in friends, boys, etc. But you better believe I will need to meet any of them before you go to "hang out." I promise to always and forever make you a priority in my life and in this household. You are the most precious gift in the world. And because I struggled and went through so much to finally be blessed with you, I promise to always be grateful and cherish you my sweet girl. I love you. 

That Saavedra Life

ISo let's be honest. My life has been so much better since becoming a Saavedra ;) our home is filled with happiness, joy, sarcasm, jokes, laughter, and we even play...I mean let's be honest it's fun to chase Yonatan around the house just so I can smack his butt & it's fun to be chased around the house just so he can kiss me. Life is good. So here's some updates!

Yonatan is still in school and working super hard to graduate by September/October. I am really proud of him. And can't wait to do something special for him when he is officially done with school. 

We of course have our baby girl and she seems to be growing like a weed. I swear every day she changes and gets bigger. And part of me hates slowly losing my newborn but I am also excited to see what new and exciting things she does. For the first week of her life she hated being changed and hated baths but now she smiles and loves it. She is such a silly girl with a bunch of different sounds and faces ;)

When I go back to work I won't be going back to the position I was in for 3 years...the position where I met Yonatan so I would have to say it's really bitter sweet but on the plus side instead of driving 60 miles out of town to work, I will be in town and closed to Stassi. 

I'm slowly but surely learning how to master taking care of Stassi and cleaning the house in the same day while Yonatan is gone. And I am trying to master cooking dinner. It's kind of hard with a baby when she is awake. 

Yonatan is not only Mexican but also speaks Spanish as well as his family. I think it's great that Stassi is going to be bilingual. So it's time for mommy to learn Spanish too. 

Yonatan had my car windows tinted. It seems silly for me to be excited about that but I think it's great because he cares so much about the sun getting the car all hot now that we have Stassi. He doesn't want her to sweat too bad when first being in the car. 

We have a couple trips coming up this year and we are really excited. 

I'm not really sure what else to update on. I'm kind of bad about recalling everything that's going on in our lives but I'm happy to say that we are happy. We love our weekends together and our nights together. Sure we have problems just like everyone else sometimes but we are happy & in love. And that's all that matters. Cheers to a man who knows how to keep his family protected, secure, and happy.